Is there a hold button?

***Fair warning time: I'm kind of grumpy. If you don't want a grumpy post to read, you might want to navigate away from this blog for a few minutes and come back later!! ***


With a warning out of the way, here we go...


Do you ever wish that life had a hold button? Or a way to transfer things/calls/emails/friendly reminders to a virtual voicemail? Somewhere that they can talk their little hearts out but that you don't have to listen to them?

(on a totally separate note - are there any receptionists reading out there? I'm 100% convinced that receptionists sometimes transfer you to voicemail or to an extension, knowing full well that you're not going to get a real, live person, and secretly enjoy making that transfer. I can see it very clearly in my head - a receptionist smiling to himself/herself, giggling, as they watch the little light - YOUR LITTLE LIGHT - blinking rapidly on their phone.)

Anyways, back to the post.


One of the goals that I set when I started this whole "mission" thing back at the beginning of the year was to make more time for ME. To force myself to take my time to work out or take better care of myself. For awhile, it worked. I worked out on a daily - or very close to daily - basis. I'd say "no" to a request, and people honoured it.

But then something happened. I'm not sure what happened, but it definitely did. I'm back to feeling like I'm clawing my way out of a deep, deep well when I try to carve out time for myself. I don't know how to balance it, and I don't think it's anything that I'm doing wrong.

So, what is it then, if it's not my fault?

I'm going to be brutally honest (and kind of crabby) here. It's YOU.

You, the person who won't stop calling me about something that needs to be done a month from now.

You, the person who sends me twenty billion emails asking me to do something that I've ALREADY said no to the past 20 billion times.

You, the person who asks me again "Hey, Heidi, have you gotten a chance to do X, Y, and Z yet?"



Now, please don't take any of this too personally. I do love all of you who call/email/text me. I really really do. I just don't know how much more I can do on my end, and still be able to take care of myself.

I need a little bit of time to work out, to cook healthy foods and not go through fast food because it's quicker, to maybe shower every day, and so on. And to do that, I really need people to respect me when I say no for something. Don't listen to me say no, and then in the 11th hour, email it to me to do. I can't stand the thought of letting people down and something not being the best for my kids, my job, my family, etc, so of course I'm going to sacrifice my own time to complete your request. Or even better, when I say I'm going to do something, PLEASE stop asking me when and how I'm going to do it. I like to make people happy - it's just who I am. Your request will get done, don't worry. I don't need you to nag me about it.

I'm sorry if this is a bit harsh, but I'm really trying here on my end, and I need some respect for that. But I'm finding it really hard to stay motivated because the easiest thing to cross off my "to-do" list is take care of myself. And if you push me a little bit more....I know myself. I'm going to take myself off of that list and focus on everyone else.

And I'm not strong enough yet to do that. I need to be able to focus on me for a little while longer before I start adding everyone else back to my "to-do" list.

Thanks.

I promise I'll be happier tomorrow. ;)