I'm going to miss this place...

The time has finally come.

It's been a long time since I've written (*cough*cough* months), but I feel the need to sit and put my thoughts into words, and this blog is really the best place for me to do that. Why is that, you might wonder? Well, they say a picture is worth a thousand words.....and pictures are a part of my story. Consider this your warning: this is a picture-heavy post (and a pretty sappy one, at that).

This week is a week of changing, that's for sure. Ellie's off having baby #4, as we speak/read/write, and Mike and I are getting ready for a pretty big, life-changing event of our own. In exactly six days (but who's counting?), we'll drive away from the home we've known for four years...and head out west.

It's a good move: the job seems perfect, the community has already been wonderful, everything seems to be changing for the better. But right now, as I sat, trying to pay the bills for this very same move, I stumbled across pictures. Lots of pictures. Some recent, some not so new...but all from this place that I've called home for the past four years.

We moved to Maine in May of 2007. Not too long ago, when you think about it. At the time, we had a three year old and a 15-month old. Excited for Mike's first JOB in what seemed like forever (undergrad and med school kind of dictated life before the move to Maine)...excited to live in such a beautiful city...excited to finally get to be something other than "students." We drove away from Michigan, sad to leave friends and amazing neighbours...but awfully excited about our future New England home.

I don't remember being this sad when leaving Michigan. I'm sure I was...but I don't remember it. Maine has become a part of me, and has shaped my being in so many ways, that it actually feels like I'm leaving a piece of myself behind. Maybe I am, in some way. Maybe those people (and teens) that I've managed to form relationships with will be keeping a part of me here in Vacationland. Maybe this is a sign that we're supposed to move back someday...whatever it means for our future, I'm not sure. What I know is that today, these thoughts, these feelings, these emotions translate into a sappy, sad, nostalgic Heidi.

I thought I'd take a minute (or two) to sit here and write down just what Maine has meant to me. Someday, I'm sure I'll be able to sit and write the same sort of post about our new home...but for now, it's time to celebrate Maine. So, buckle your seatbelts, and take a trip down Memory Lane with me.....



So this is home.




This is Maine.





And this is Maine.



I want this post to celebrate Maine, so here it goes -

Moving on from the sappy, "Oh, I'm going to miss it here so much.." post, Maine has been incredibly good to me. For that, I am forever grateful. God has blessed us abundantly the past four years...and Maine will forever be a special place to me, because of those blessings.

It's been in Maine that I've been able to truly discover who I was meant to be, as a mom, as a person, as a friend. Maine has shown me - through its beauty and its people - just what is important in life, and what I am being called to do and be.

It's been in Maine that I've discovered a love for exploring, for being outside, for gardening. Maine showed me just how much fun to can be (and how much I love) creating something out of nothing: whether it be through arts or crafts, or through gardening and preserving that garden, or through cooking and baking.

It's been in Maine that I recognized (and then began to live) that it was not only OKAY to want to be "only a mom" when I grew up, but that it was a GOOD thing to only be a mom. My family and my children are better for it, and for that I am thankful.

It's been in Maine that my love for working with teenagers was reaffirmed - and I was able to receive excellent training and experience in youth ministry. Maine took a chance on me - some young kid "from away" - and for that I am incredibly grateful.

It's been in Maine that Mike and I have been able to grow closer together, not just as a couple, but in our faith lives. Without Maine, I'm not sure we'd be where we are today in regards to our faith. God has truly been calling us over the past four years, and the absolute beauty of Mainers and their home has made it easier for us to hear Him.

And I cannot celebrate our four years in Maine without celebrating our family's growth from four to five. For it was in Maine, that a certain little guy made his appearance, and our family has exploded with love since that time. The rest of us may forever be "from away," but this little guy will forever be a Mainer:



It's thanks to Maine that this little (well, now BIG guy) guy below helped us all realize the beauty and love found in God's ultimate creation. This rascal helped us all to recognize that we are ALL a member of God's family, and we all have a part to play in the bigger community. We truly are part of a whole, and that whole is magnificent. Thank you, Maine, for helping us to see that we are not alone, and that we are stronger when we are together.




And I can't complete this celebration of Maine without celebrating the middle little guy. For it was in Maine that we all learned that it's OKAY to be an active listener, and sometimes it's okay to sit on the sidelines. For it's when you listen and watch, that you truly learn: you learn to love others, you learn to love yourself, and you learn compassion. Only with observation can you recognize what you can do to help, and it's this little guy's life in Maine that helped us all to realize that there are some times that you need to sit back and stop talking and just listen for awhile....





So, thank you to the great state of Maine. Thank you to the people we've met, people we've grown to love and appreciate, and people who have shown us love in return.

Thank you for showing us the best hiking trails, the beautiful beaches and rocky shores, for teaching us how to eat lobster, and giving us all that you have the past four years.

I will miss you.

The Dreaded Workout

Now, if you're like me, you've kind of let things slide lately. I'm assuming a lot of you out there have had that happen, because it's gotten awfully quiet in the Moms on a Mission world on Facebook. I feel kind of guilty about that - I totally fell off of the bandwagon, and I'm afraid I let a lot of you down with my own fall.

I've climbed back up onto that wagon, and I'm hoping that this time, it will stick. So far, I've found a routine that works well for us (me and the kids), and I'm hoping that I will be able to stick to it once school starts. I've tried to be more flexible with my approach, and to not set my goals TOO high, and I think that's helping over here.

I've recently found out that Netflix allows you to instantly watch movies on your TV, through your Wii (or other gaming device, if you have one), and that includes a few fitness movies. They're not the best ones out there, I'm sure, but there are enough options to at least get someone started. If you haven't looked at it yet, I highly recommend it.

I started with a "10 Minute Solutions: Rapid Results Pilates" video. It's broken down into 5 different, 10 minute routines, and I've been doing 1 routine a day, rotating through the different body areas. Today was my 5th day doing it, and let me tell you, even though it's not the most aesthetically pleasing exercise video out there (no music, no cute sets, etc), my core muscles are SORE. Like, REALLY sore. Yesterday, every laugh, cough, or sneeze bordered on torture. Today, it's not as bad, but I finally found a set of weights that were the correct weight (otherwise known as soup cans that were the same size - I couldn't find ones that "matched" before), and did the arms/shoulders routine with those weights, so I'm sure that tomorrow I will be just as sore.

In addition to the Pilates routines, I've been working out on the treadmill for 30 minutes every other day. The treadmill routine is a mixed bag of emotions for me. Before falling off of the bandwagon this spring, I'd gotten back up to running short distances, and was on my way to completing the "Couch to 5K" routine. Now, I never used to be much of a runner, but did the C25K program between my second and third pregnancies, and discovered that once I was ABLE to run, I actually loved it. I've been looking forward to getting back into running, and had been on my way there when for some reason, I stopped this spring.

I've been doing one of the pre-set "weight loss" routines on the treadmill this week, purely because I cannot run right now. My muscles are too weak, and I've put some weight back on. I don't want to injure my back again this time (about a year ago, I decided to start running again, and totally put my back out of whack because I wasn't ready for it, physically). So, I do this weight loss workout, and while it can get challenging, it's really hard to motivate myself. It's all walking. I miss the running. A lot. So, for me right now, this treadmill workout is both motivating (in that I want to lose weight and strengthen my muscles to be able to run), but it's also depressing because I'm constantly reminded at how I've let myself down and gotten so out of shape.

It's been a week of staying committed to the exercise routine, and I'm proud to say that this is the longest I've gone in a long time with keeping it up. However, it's just a week, and I think for it to become a "habit," I'm going to have to keep going for at least another two weeks (they say 21 days, right?!?!). I'm trying, but I'm nervous that I will fail again.

How are you with your exercise routine? Are you still working towards your goal? What is helping you, or what would help you?

If you've let the exercise slip away (like I have), what happened? How can we get you motivated again?

Staying Intellectually Challenged

I have to admit that I'm surprised at how many people:

1) read yesterday's post

and

2) commented on it (either on Facebook or via private message/email)


Apparently, I touched on an issue that is one that a lot of you either dealt with, or are dealing with right now. The biggest comment that I got (and have heard in the past) had to do with keeping intellectually stimulated as a stay-at-home mom. It's hard - most of our day is spent interacting with children (in my case, very YOUNG children). Deep, intellectual conversations are pretty much non-existent in my house when it's only the kids and me.

I've struggled with this a lot in the past, and still struggle with it on a regular basis. Most of the day, I'm discussing the finer points of potty breaks, childhood games (Chutes and Ladders, anyone?!?), or "he said-she said" kind of things. I've often felt that I've lost some of my brain power - especially when I'm presented with a challenging math problem while balancing the check book. (And it seems more often than not, "challenging" is really basic math, considering I went up to Calculus III. Simple addition and subtraction seems to take all of my brain power nowadays, and I'm ashamed to admit that). Often, it feels like motherhood has made me "stupid." (Oops. That's a quarter for the "naughty word" jar, as "stupid" is not allowed in our house. I wonder if I even have a quarter laying around?!?!! Oops)

So, how do we moms stay true to the brainiac that we really are, when we're constantly surrounded with young children? How do we keep challenging our brains when no one else seems to be giving us reason to?

It's easy to let it slip by. I know that I have (and still do sometimes), and it's not until I'm out with other adults - often ones that don't have children - and I realize that I don't use "big" words anymore, even just inside my head!, or I haven't read a non-parenting book in months. I'm assuming a lot of you feel the same way.

I still haven't found the answer. Online moms' groups help: even if it's at 2 am when the baby is awake, you can find someone to have a discussion with that DOESN'T revolve around pee, poop, puke, or children's shows/music. I enjoy these moms' groups, but I've found that most of them shoo away any topic that I'm really interested in (namely politics and religion). Those topics - which are usually what I like to read about and discuss - are apparently not "polite" moms' group topics, and are usually taboo. So, for me, online groups/forums typically don't do the trick.

Another option that does help for me is trying to keep the time I get to read relatively consistent (and I've been trying to increase it lately). If you don't have time to read a whole book - or if you can't just pick up a book for 20 minutes at a time to read it (I can, but I know a lot of people can't focus if they only get to read a few pages at a time) - I highly recommend Brain, Child magazine. Unlike most parenting magazines out there, this one doesn't spend 50 pages of the magazine discussing cute, yet inexpensive children's clothing. The articles (and there are many!) are well-researched, in-depth, and usually make you think. Not all of them revolve around "parenting" topics, either - you'll often find a discussion on those taboo topics of politics or religion. While I may not always agree with the material presented, I appreciate the chance to read an "adult" article, especially when I only have a few minutes that day to read.

Now that my children are getting older, too, I've been trying to take the time to encourage - and develop - their own thinking skills and curiosity. I've found that doing this gives me a chance to learn as well (just today I was asked how bridges were built, and considering high school physics was A LONG time ago, finding the answer involved research and learning - for everyone involved!). I find science experiments for us to do, and even if I know what's going to happen already, I've found that the opportunity to teach my children makes me keep my own brain well-exercised.

So, how about you? Do you feel like you are/are not intellectually challenged? Why or why not?

Working vs. Staying Home

It seems like the perennial struggle: moms who stay home with the kids want to go back to work, and moms who work want to be able to stay home. Nearly every time I talk to a mom - no matter what her occupation (SAHM - that's stay at home mom for those of you not up to speed on the abbreviations - or working mom) - the topic eventually ends up coming back to this great feeling of disillusionment with the current occupation.

I wonder if men go through this struggle? Although we've never talked about it in great depth, I don't think my husband has this internal debate very often, if at all. He may not like all of the politics and drama that goes along with being the only male resident in a world of female OB/GYN residents, he thoroughly loves his job. He loves the work he does - it both challenges and fulfills him. From other men that I've talked to, it seems to be the same kind of thing for them. Most men that I know - especially if they went to school to pursue some specific career - are pretty content in their day-to-day obligations and occupation.

Why is it that we women are constantly second-guessing the "career" path that we have chosen?

Some are quick to blame society - either that they don't give enough credit to the work that moms that stay home do, or that they don't allow women to climb as high on the career ladder and therefore, are not allowing working moms the same sort of fulfillment.

Some are quick to blame their own parents or their spouse - someone else is not providing enough support for them to achieve their personal goals.

I used to joke that "The Feminist Movement caused my depression," in that I constantly felt that the goal I'd held for myself since I was a child (to be a mom) wasn't "good enough" in today's standards. I was a failure, or letting myself down if I was "just" a mom, even though that was all that I wanted to do - what I had always felt was my primary vocation in life.

Nowadays, I'm not too sure that has anything to do with the feeling of discontent that I've struggled with for the past 10ish years as I tried to figure out what to be "when I grew up." Over the past few months, I've really spent time reading and learning more about my Catholic faith, and really taken the time to get to know Mary, the mother of Jesus. She's become a source of inspiration to me, and a source of strength as I try to be the best mother that I possibly can be.

I realize now that I had been looking at it the wrong way all along - I wasn't searching for something else to make me feel fulfilled or happy. I wasn't searching for the "right" career. The problem was that I wasn't really seeing the career I had been called into. I have been called to be a mom - and that is what will fulfill and challenge me, if I let it.

Sure, some of the days are really hard and the kids fight and I just want to get out of the house for 15 minutes or go and get a coffee and take a deep breath. But that's okay. Think about a "real" 9-5 job - you get breaks, right? There are meetings that you sit through that you just want to scream and shout at your coworkers because of the bickering or the lack of productivity. These are the meetings that you follow with a quick walk around the parking lot in the cool air, or with the 15 minute coffee break with the trusted coworker. There's no reason why I can't allow myself the same break during my job as a mom.

So this summer, one of the reasons that I haven't been around that much is that I've been focusing on my job as mom as a source of fulfillment. I'm taking the time to plan our days - outings, and days at home - and to make sure that I get those 15 minute breaks throughout the day. The boys are still little (6, 4, and 20 months), so it's not like I can leave them alone, but what I can do is set up a playroom in the basement next to the treadmill (which I did), and take them down there for only 30 minutes a day. It's new, and fun, for them as they get to play with toys that they only see for 30 minutes a day, and I get to plug in my earphones and focus on me (I usually end up listening to Christian music, so it's also a time for me to focus on my faith and meditate on something that I've read/seen/heard that day). That 30 minute break has become a needed part to our daily schedule - for all of us.

Another option (when it was too hot to stay home in the non-air conditioned house) was what a friend of mine calls "taking a sanity drive." My kids are little, so most of the time the heat would tire them out and being in an air conditioned car would do wonders for putting them to sleep. I'd drive until they fell asleep, go get a $1 coffee from McDonald's and park somewhere and read or journal as they slept in the air conditioning. If your kids are older, there's NOTHING wrong with letting them go play in an air conditioned McDonald's playland as you drink that coffee (as long as you bring along the Purell - haha).

I feel like I've come around full circle in the past 6 months and realized that I was working my dream job already - I just needed to change my viewpoint. Motherhood IS a job, and some of us ARE really called to it as our vocation. We have gifts and talents that need to be put to use in raising the next generation.

I realize that not everyone is called to the same career in life - there are moms out there who are not stay at home moms, either due to their family's financial need, or their own personal needs. And this is great, too. I think the sooner we can realize that we moms come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, and careers, the better off we all will be. I'm not better than anyone else because I'm at home with my kids - and my kids will not be better off SOLELY because I'm a stay at home mom. My kids will be better off because I've realized that being a stay at home mom is what makes me happy and fulfilled - and challenges me to be a better person. I think as soon as a mom comes to that realization of her calling in life - whether it be an out-of-the-home career or an in-home one - her kids will be better off, too.

Thoughts?

Tasty Tuesdays: Canning Edition

Good morning, all!

Today is Tasty Tuesday, once again!

Today's recipe can be found over on the "In the Kitchen" page (follow the tabs at the top of this page). It's a super secret (Shhhh!!! Don't tell her I published it!!) relish recipe from my grandmother. It's easy, it makes great use of any cucumbers you have laying around....and the best part?

The kids can help! Mine helped feed the veggies through the food grinder, which they thought was hilarious.

Make some this week, and give it away as Christmas gifts - put it in pretty mason jars, and add it to a basket of jams/jellies, or bbq items. It's a great homemade touch - and very inexpensive to make! Enjoy!

A lot of changing going on...

Good morning!

If you're like me (Heidi here), you struggle with letting go of summer. Summer is a time for relaxation, a time for fun, a time for enjoying your family and friends.

The school year, however....is not.

Every year about this time, I start to dread the idea of getting up early (summers mean sleeping in), about having to get somewhere on time, and about the loss of our precious "outdoor" time. This year is no different. I'm struggling with the idea of getting back into our school year routine. This summer's been a good one. I know I've been bad about the blogging everyday thing (it's been over a month - eek!), but I am kind of proud to tell you why: the boys and I have visited 18 different state parks this summer alone, not to mention weekly playdates with friends, and visiting family in Pennsylvania and Rhode Island. It's been a really good, fun, summer, and I have the sandal tans to prove it!

What I haven't done much of is work, and that kind of includes this blog. I enjoy blogging, and hope that someone out there enjoys reading what I have to say (although I completely expect no one to admit to that. haha), but it does require that I sit still and in front of the computer for at least a little bit of time. I haven't really done much of that this summer. It's been a beautiful Maine summer: warm (sometimes hot!), sunny, and thoroughly perfect for hiking, beach-going, and exploring historic sites. So.....that's what we've been doing.

It's starting to cool down now, and with that comes lots of canning and preserving, which I've been doing a ton of, chilly bonfires in the backyard, beach days where we DON'T go swimming, and ........the dreaded back to school events...

For most of us, that means trying to get our kids back on a "school" routine, which translates into: gasp! getting up early and going to bed early!!

This is where I struggle. The summer, for us, is full of staying up until dark, catching fireflies, cooking marshmallows over a backyard fire, watching meteor showers once it finally gets dark....and definitely NOT getting up early.

We started "Operation: School Starting" in our household today. With it, I've decided to play around with our home routine - and this blog. As we get back into our school schedule and are forced inside by colder weather (and rain, in today's case), I'll be joining you back on this blog more often. I've played around with the settings to 1) brighten things up and 2) make finding things a little easier. "Tasty Tuesdays" will now be under the "In the Kitchen" heading, and other blogs will be posted by topic, for the most part. General musings and discussions will still continue here, on the homepage, but we'll try to be a little bit better about sorting our blog topics, so that you can find things a little bit more easily (especially in regards to work outs and recipes).

Our first day of Operation: School Starting has gone relatively smoothly. I woke up at 5:30, and like I figured, the kids followed shortly thereafter (6 am). That's a little bit too early for them - school wake ups are usually at 6:30 am here - so I've got to figure out the best way to get myself up and exercised without waking them up. Our routines need a little tweaking to get back on the top of our game, but we'll keep working on it - and blogging about it! - and eventually we'll get there!

The "Fun" Mom

This week's going pretty well so far. I've not blogged everyday, but I'm working on it! (I'm here now, aren't I? haha)

I've tried to get up early the past two days to spend some quiet time with God, but the boys have woken up with me each morning. I guess that's one downside to all sleeping in the same room. (It's HOT here in Maine, and we only have one window A/C unit, so we're all camping out in the air conditioning in the master bedroom). I'll try again tomorrow to get up before them - I think I'm going to turn the volume on my alarm down. If I hear it, I'll get up, if not, then we'll try again tomorrow at a slightly louder volume!

I'm doing well on the water goal. It helps that it's been so hot here - I'm trying to keep all of us hydrated, so I'm keeping ice water on the kitchen counter in a cooler. Every time I fill up one of the kid's cups, I make myself drink some too. Seems to be working so far!

The biggest goal for me this past week (so far) has been the "Fun" mom goal. I had gotten so busy and so caught up in my "to-do" list over the past few months, that I kind of forgot to enjoy my kids. I felt like I was always telling them "in a minute!" or "When I finish (fill in the blank here)." A little piece of me died every time I did that, but I just couldn't seem to stop myself. With it being summer, I've really wanted to make myself slow down and have FUN with the kids instead of constantly working. I'm happy to say that it's been a success - well, the having fun part. We've gone to state parks, we've gone to the beach, last night we had a Candyland tournament before bed, and tonight we played outside and worked in the garden together. It's been great spending this time enjoying my kids - I'm thoroughly loving every minute we spend together.

It's paid off with their behaviour, for the most part. For example, this past weekend was a holiday (Fourth of July was on Sunday). Since this is our last summer in Maine, I really wanted to cross off a really big item on my "Things I Want to do Before I Die" list: Go see the Boston Pops concert on the 4th of July. I've watched this concert on TV for years - seriously, as long as I can remember. I've always wanted to be there to see the fireworks, and enjoy the music. This year was my last chance, realistically, since we're moving to the other side of the country.

We packed the kids up, and with the help of nearby relatives who let us crash at their place (they live just outside of Boston), we were able to put together a trip that cost barely anything (just food and the train into the city). We left the house at 4:30 am on Sunday, pulled into the parking garage in Boston at 5:30 am, and were in line for the Oval (the area where the concert is located) at 6 am. The Oval didn't open until 9 am - so we had a long wait ahead of us. The boys not only waited in line wonderfully, they were troopers and made it all day until the concert started at 8:30 pm. "Making it all day" means hanging out on our blanket in the middle of the blazing hot sun, because seats were first-come, first-serve, and people have been known to move other people's items if you're not there guarding your spot. The boys - all three of them, ages almost 6, 4, and 18 months - were AMAZING. They made me so proud - I feel like I should go to Confession, I'm that full of pride!!! haha They were wonderfully behaved, and such good sports about it all. I think the fact that I've really tried to spend quality time with them really helped with their behaviour on Sunday: I think they're feeling more appreciated and secure in our relationship. I want to continue that this summer, and I've really got it on my mind in everything that I've been doing.

It's not all roses, though. I'm having a really hard time getting everything done and keeping a balance, now that I'm trying to focus more on quality mom/boys time. I'm behind in my commitments to other things: work (the youth group), school (the boys), the house (keeping it clean for showings). I haven't worked out in who knows how long, because by the time I sit down and get everything else done, I'm ready for bed, and it's almost midnight. I've stepped back from some of my roles with the youth group (on the Diocesan level, not the parish level, for any parishioners reading this!), and with preschool (stepping down off the board after this summer). Those are really the only things that I can "lose' right now: I have to still maintain the house, and the parish level youth group stuff is my part-time job. I can't really step back from everything else. My only solution is to find a way to balance it all.

For those of you out there who also find that you have to balance quality mom stuff with work/other obligations, how do you manage it? What kind of secrets/tips can you share with me, so I don't lose my mind?

Thanks!