Living in a Gray World

And no, I don't mean the town.

I had a discussion today (which was actually a follow up discussion from this past weekend) that's really been weighing on my mind. It does - and it doesn't - apply to my weight loss mission, so take it with a grain of salt. The discussion wasn't in regards to weight loss, but the argument can be made across my weightloss journey, my faith journey, and my home life.

Before I get started, I want to point out that I do respect the person I was talking to. I just happen to disagree with them. I'm curious to see what others say.

This discussion was in regards to youth ministry. For those of you who don't know, I'm a Catholic youth ministry coordinator. Basically, what that means, I coordinate the religious education programs for the seventh thru twelfth grade students in our parish here in Maine. It's often a lot of work, and often very challenging. I love it, though - and have found that I'm kind of naturally conditioned to working with that age level.

But enough about me. The discussion revolved around whether or not you could teach basic Catholic teachings to teenagers. Some members of the discussion argued that no, you couldn't, and that teenagers are not open to hearing about the doctrine of the Church. Some argued that you could, but not as a "black and white" issue - that you had to be willing to present the gray areas. Some argued that you COULD present it as black and white, but with compassion for the gray.

I've been thinking about it since the conversation started two days ago. I think I've decided that you HAVE to present Catholic teachings in black and white - but with compassion for the gray. In my mind, you acknowledge the gray, but you don't concede to it. Just because it exists doesn't mean that we look the other way or bend the rules. Just because the gray is there doesn't mean that the black and white fades away - it just changes how we present the black and white. In my experience with the Church, I've come to grow into an understanding for the majority of the Church's teachings. Sure, there are still some that I am having a hard time with - we all have those struggles - but I think that if the Church started teaching that "this is what's ideal, but if you can't do that, then it's okay too" then the Church would start to dissolve and become the church. (with a little C, not a big C). I think that's a slippery slope for the Church to head down. I'm reading a great book right now about the scandal within the Church and idea of reform within the Catholic Church, and the author makes a great point that every good REFORM starts with a reversion to the basics. You can't reform until you return to the basics. I find that great food for thought.

As I drove home from my meeting this morning, I realized just how much this idea of "gray area" has permeated all aspects of our lives. I started thinking about weight loss and how we're all so scared of being honest with ourselves and our children - or the society we live in - because we're afraid of the "gray." We're afraid of offending someone, we're afraid of causing psychological harm to our children, we're afraid of stepping on someone else's toes. While I'm not saying that we disregard other backgrounds and experiences (this is where the COMPASSION comes into play), I think I'm starting to realize that at some point, I'm going to have to take a stand. When it comes to weight loss, I think that results in being honest with myself and my children. Am I overweight? Yes. Are they? Not at all. Could it have health consequences for me in the future? Definitely - it already has. Is that health concern what I base my diet and meal choices on? Yes. And I think it's okay to tell my kids that. Hiding the black and white truth, in this situation specifically, only will cause more gray and confusion in the future.

So today, I'm stating my black and white beliefs:

I'm a stay-at-home mom, and while I'm often struggling to pay the bills, I'm okay with that. I don't WANT to work. I WANT to be a mom. That's my black and white and I'm okay with it. No more hiding that truth because other people think I wasted a college degree. That's the gray - and I'm not living in the gray anymore.

I'm Catholic to the core. It makes sense to me, and I believe it's the Truth.

I'm fat. 'Nuf said. And I'm working on that because yes, I am at higher risk for health problems due to my weight.


How about you? What's your black-and-white? How does it relate to your gray?