The Baker in Me....

It won't come as a surprise to many of you that I like to bake. And cook. And eat what I have baked and cooked. ;) What may surprise some of you is that I usually only bake when I'm stressed, believe it or not. When things seem totally out of my control, I pull out the cookie sheets and get to creating. Usually, I make ginger cookies - my mom's recipe - because I always have those ingredients on hand. I've memorized the recipe, and it becomes almost a therapeutic ritual to pull out the ingredients. I walk to the pantry, and carry back the flour, the sugar, the molasses, the vanilla, the spices. I can already feel my stress melting away at this point.

Then it's to the fridge, where I pull out eggs. I'm usually relaxed at this point - and the boys know that this is their cue. They come running into the kitchen, asking to help. I smile (usually) and say "Sure, just let me get it set up." They run back to the playroom, waiting for my call.

Together, we go through the motions of mixing up the dough in my pretty blue KitchenAid stand mixer. Shortening, sugar, vanilla, egg, flour, baking soda, cloves, ginger....the list goes on. By the time that we're rolling the dough into 1-inch balls and rolling them in sugar, we're usually laughing. The balls go into the oven, and come out nine minutes later, hot and ready to eat.

Here's where the problem comes in: the recipe makes about 5 dozen cookies. They're usually gone by the next day. We binge. I'm sure I eat at least 18 cookies on my own. The act of eating one of my ginger cookies is almost as stress-relieving as the act of making them: one bite conjures up the relaxing memories from around that KitchenAid mixer (even more so when dunked into a hot, steaming cup of coffee!).

Yesterday was my first real struggle with the need, the desire, to bake cookies. Baby #3 had fallen the night before, right before bedtime (he's learning to walk), and seemed to be crankier than normal all night. By the time he got up yesterday morning at 9 am (that should have been one indicator of something being wrong!! My children don't sleep in. Ever), he was refusing to use his right arm. It just hung by his side, limp. He COULD use it, but he wasn't, and he'd scream bloody murder if you tried to move it for him.

About this time, my husband walked in from his shift at the hospital. I immediately bundled the baby up and sent him right back into his workplace with the baby. Many xrays and doctor consults later, we've concluded that he sprained his shoulder, as there was no evidence of any broken bones, no nursemaid's elbow, nothing that seemed serious. He came back home with instructions to keep Baby #3 on Motrin, around the clock, and call the orthopedist if he didn't start using it in 48 hours.

They were gone for five hours. Five hours of my husband's cell phone not working. Five hours of getting pieces of information, a little at a time: "We're waiting for Xray results." "Xray shows no break, but we're waiting for a consult from Ortho." "They're rescanning his elbow." No definitive answers, just a lot of what it WASN'T.

Five hours of pure stress. I sat, stuck at home because Mike had the car with all the carseats, worrying about my baby, while the other two older babies played and goofed off. It would have been so easy, and so stress relieving to pull out the mixer and the cookie sheets. I knew I had all the ingredients. I knew it would take my mind off of the baby in the ER at the hospital.

I also knew I would eat at least a dozen before Mike got home, and I'd worked so hard to not eat sugars and sweets and carbs all week.






I didn't make the cookies. I bundled up the big kids, and we played outside in the snowstorm. I managed to find enough ways to keep us occupied for that five hours.

Do I still want cookies? Definitely. But I have none in the house: because I knew that I wouldn't be able to control myself with eating them. And it wouldn't be just me - Mike loves these cookies as much as I do. I'm sure he would have over-indulged as well. I'm proud of myself for not making them, even though I can taste them on my tongue. I might make some later this week - but only on a day where I can send 4 of the 5 dozen to work with Mike. We'll see.


Oh, in case you were wondering, Baby #3 is just fine. He's back to crawling and using his arm just like he used to.......crisis averted.