Sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing damage with this whole weight loss thing when it comes to the kids. Everyone tells me that "Oh, you're setting such a great example with taking care of yourself," and "You're showing them that it's okay to have self-worth," and things like that. But sometimes I doubt this advice, I'll admit it.
Last night at dinner, Baby #1 asked "Are we eating this because we're trying to lose weight?" His words cut right through me. HE doesn't need to lose weight! If anything, he needs to gain weight - he's always been in the 3rd - 5th percentile when it comes to weight. For awhile, we were having to give him Carnation Instant Breakfast every day because the doctor wanted him to gain more weight.
His words worried me. This isn't the first time that he's asked me about why we're eating what we are - he's very focused on what's healthy and what's not, and wanting to know the difference. I try to just answer his questions and let him know that he isn't losing weight, but that Mommy and Daddy love him (and his brothers) so much that we want him to be as healthy as possible, but I don't know if this is the approach to take or not.
I really don't remember much about my eating habits from when I was younger. I don't really remember whether or not we had to "clear our plate" before we could leave the table or not. What I do know is that it is really hard for me to throw out food, and it always has been. For that reason, we've never instituted a "Clean Plate" policy at our house - when they feel full, they can be done. There aren't any snacks until our normal snack time, so they'll get hungry if they weren't really full, but I've never felt comfortable forcing them to eat everything. I always thought that if we treated it like this, we'd be less likely to encourage overeating and weight gain.
But Baby #1's comments last night have me worried again. What if I'm now doing the opposite and leading him to obsess over his weight and food choices?
I'll admit, the topic of exercise and weight loss has been prevalent in our house the past few weeks, with this whole "The New Us" venture. It's exciting and fun, and both Mike and I are doing really well with our weight loss (I'm down 16 pounds, he's down 13 pounds). We're really trying to make sure each of us gets ample time to work out and has healthy food choices when it comes to our diet. We've not made any comments to the boys about how we "have" to exercise because we're fat, or we "have" to eat only veggies because anything else is not healthy. We have had a few conversations where we're brainstorming about eating strategies (what Mike can eat at work, what I can have for a quick breakfast, etc), and I guess I didn't realize just how much the kids are picking up on it.
I know that parenting is a struggle and that you're always second-guessing your decisions and strategies, but I wonder if I'm handling this weight loss thing the "right" way with the kids? Am I doing enough to make sure that I don't scar their eating habits and weight for the rest of their lives? What IS the best way to lose weight with kids around?
I know that I have boys, and a lot of people don't associate weight issues and eating disorders with males. However, it does happen, and with my history of weight problems, I want to do everything that I can to ensure that my children don't follow down my path and experience the same struggles that I do. I just don't know if I'm doing it the right way, though. I guess I won't know until they get older, and that's what scares me.
Oy. Parenting is so scary sometimes!
Who am I kidding - parenting is so scary ALL of the time!!!!!
If it's any help, the word we use in our house is STRONG. Healthy is kind of an abstract concept for little ones and then if you're talking nonstop about healthy foods vs. unhealthy foods you're automatically labeling junk food as bad and kind of a forbidden fruit that's associated with deprivation. So, my kids know that certain foods make their bodies big and strong (a huge compliment for a 4 year old, especially boys I think) and it's something positive they can work towards. Just my spin on it, could be all semantics as far as the kids are concerned:-)
ReplyDeleteI like that! Thanks!!!
ReplyDeleteWe've been having that discussion here to Heidi. With the 3 girls I am extremely worried and having an eating disordered past I have to watch what I say as I am passing my thoughts on to them. We say "all food are okay in moderation". I also say we make healthful choices so that when we choose to have a treat we can really enjoy and appreciate it. Last week, our number 2 child told me that I was making a "poor food choice" when I grabbed my first sweet since the New Year, and like you the words seared into my brain. Then today, after my work out I had 4 pieces of left over veggies sushi and child number 1 noted how it was a "good healthy snack choice". So yes, its a balance, and I try not to say "diet" and use words like, strong, healthful, nutritious. But I also make sure they understand sweets ARE in fact sometimes foods!
ReplyDeleteyes parenting is scary and it never gets any easier even when they are all grown up and have kids of their own (in fact sometimes it makes it scarier because you can't always kiss the booboo and make it better)! But know that just the fact that you are thinking and talking about these topics makes you a pretty good parent because you are looking at the whole picture. It's not about me, it's not about you. It's about us (you, your spouse, your kids) and that's how it stays balanced. Does it tilt to one side every now and again, absolutely! If it didn't you wouldn't have conversation!
ReplyDelete